cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com General musings, lots of cheese, and occasionally sharp Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:31:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 en Tricia Walsh Smith, Her Divorce and a Trip to Crazy Town http://www.cheddarben.com/tricia-walsh-smith-her-divorce-and-a-trip-to-crazy-town/ http://www.cheddarben.com/tricia-walsh-smith-her-divorce-and-a-trip-to-crazy-town/#comments Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:31:31 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=46 I guess guys shouldn’t mess with Tricia Walsh-Smith. This Box Of All Boxes posted a video on YouTube to tell the world how awful her soon-to-be ex is and how horrible she has it. Here is the train wreck

I have some questions and comments for Tricia Walsh-Smith.

1. Are we supposed to feel bad for you?

It sounds like you are fairly successful in your own right, but it also sounds like you are overly concerned with your husbands money. OK, I would say you may deserve something, but do what all rich people do - BRING HIM TO COURT. If you think the public is going to feel bad about how you will not be getting your $500,000 pension, I think you have another thing coming. I know a few other people who might need part of that $500,000 a bit more. Me to start with, but any given charity. You don’t see starving kids on YouTube complaining about what they get and don’t get.

2. Are we supposed to be shocked that your husband has Viagra, porn and condoms?

I don’t know what crazy-land you have been visiting, but I bet the percentage of men that own those items is pretty large. To call his place of employment and tell his assistance as much is just about like calling her and saying, “and guess what… Phil is OLD…. and wrinkly… and I am a whiny box.” Its all pretty obvious.

3. In the video, you mention that he does not have grounds for divorce?

He doesn’t? First, you posted this video. Isn’t that grounds enough? Second, it kind of sounds like he does not like you. That would be a pretty good reason to get a divorce. Lastly, you seem like one crazy lady and I do not blame the guy. Particularly after you rip on the poor fellow’s family.

4. Why are you mad about the apartment?

You signed a prenuptial agreement. Why didn’t you have your lawyer look at it? You didn’t, so now you are paying the price. Not to mention, I would assume you can afford your own place to live. Possibly not a Park Avenue 8 bedroom apartment, but BOO FREAKIN HOO.

5. Shall we visit what this is about?

At no point did you talk about anybodies feelings but your own. At no point did you say you ever cared for your soon to be ex or anyone in his family. What I did hear, however, is all about money, the apartment you are losing and how horrible Smith’s family is. It all sounds very materialistic to me.

All in all, please…. get on with it and leave your divorce off of YouTube. I would divorce you too.

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/tricia-walsh-smith-her-divorce-and-a-trip-to-crazy-town/feed/ Is The Donkey Punch FATAL or Just Wierd http://www.cheddarben.com/is-the-donkey-punch-is-fatal-or-just-wierd/ http://www.cheddarben.com/is-the-donkey-punch-is-fatal-or-just-wierd/#comments Mon, 14 Apr 2008 03:19:50 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=45 Wikipedia defines the Donkey punch as a “slang term for an apocryphal and potentially lethal sexual practice supposedly performed during anal sex. The purported practice involves the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner in the back of the head or neck causing the receiving parters anal passage to tense up and increase the pleasure of the penetrating partner.”

Although I generally find this definition as accurate, is it really lethal? C’mon… I suppose if Mike Tyson or Muhammad Ali are administering it, possibly. Superman donkey punching Lois Lane might have some drastic results. Captain Hook’s lady might be strongly opposed to the donkey punch, but this is generally not lethal.

For all realistic purposes is this really lethal? I think it is about as lethal as a punch to the face, a rough noogie, or picking your nose too hard. If someone actually has a crazy gal that allows to this to happen, I can’t imagine that it is used at full force.

What else does Wikipedia define as “potentially fatal?” The word fatal does not appear in the definition of AIDS, death, or Russian Roulette. If these items are not described as fatal, how in the heck can the donkey punch be describes as such.

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/is-the-donkey-punch-is-fatal-or-just-wierd/feed/ Chinese Guys Training to Get Hit in the Nuts http://www.cheddarben.com/chinese-guys-training-to-get-hit-in-the-nuts/ http://www.cheddarben.com/chinese-guys-training-to-get-hit-in-the-nuts/#comments Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:40:00 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=44 If this involves training, count me out.  Who in the world would want to train for this?

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/chinese-guys-training-to-get-hit-in-the-nuts/feed/ 10 Reasons Why Cops is the Best Reality Show of All Time http://www.cheddarben.com/10-reasons-why-cops-is-the-best-reality-show-of-all-time/ http://www.cheddarben.com/10-reasons-why-cops-is-the-best-reality-show-of-all-time/#comments Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:20:56 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=43 Cops has been on for 20 years now and it never ceases to amaze me how awesome this show is. Where else do you get transvestites, midgets and every other weirdo that you really never want to meet in real life. Here are some reasons why I think Cops is the best reality show ever.

1. These people sign waivers to show their faces
I really do not get it. Most people do not look forward to being exposed as criminals, but so many of these people allow themselves to be shown on tape. Most are caught with crack, cheating on their wives with hookers, or doing some other dumb action. Do they think they are famous now that they are on Cops? Is it a jump start to their acting careers? Do they think their wives, or wives friends, are not going to watch this episode? What ever the reason, I love that they allow their faces to show.

2. Its always fun when someone gets tased
That is, of course, unless its you. Episode after episode, I see these guys resist and the cops have to pull out the taser. Not seconds after the the hits them, they are out like babies. Its always a bit humorous to watch when 300 pound bad guy drops to his knees like a little girl.

3. When they give the cops permission to search their property
C’mon! You do not need to let them search if they do not have probable cause. If you have guns, weed, crack, speed, booze or any other illegal items… SAY NO! These people always give permission and then the cops find something. How idiotic do you have to be to let them search your property when you have illegal stuff? If you give them permission, you deserve to go to jail and I like watching it.

4. The Mardis Gras Episodes
Nudity is common place at Mardis Gras, but please do not show off your tits or pecker if a cop is standing right next to you. Most of us have seen one or two of these episodes over the year and there is always some dumb ass that ends up spending his vacation in the clink because he needs to show his shit. How crappy would that be? Pretty crappy for you, but also fun for me to watch.

5. “I don’t know who’s that is”
According to Cops, there are many people who lose drugs. These people get arrested and the cops find drugs right next to them, but they say it isn’t theirs. What the hell is up with that? I am sure that most drug addicts have a tough time losing their baggies and they always happen to lose the drugs in the middle of a field where this person is getting arrested. yeah, right. It’s almost as fun to watch these as it is to watch politicians deny affairs.

6. The weirdos

7. Watching people turn on each other

Nothing says “I love you” more than blaming your crime on your best friend or significant other. Watching one friend bury another is slightly disturbing, but reinforces the reasons why not to be a criminal.

8. The Theme Song

“Bad Boys” by Inner Circle has become an icon of Cops. Every time I hear this song I want to watch people get busted for doing stupid things.

9. Gotta love the good guys

On a serious note, it shows how tough of a job that our law enforcement has. Sure, there is a percentage of bad cops, but these guys sacrifice oodles to make sure that our streets are as safe as possible. I certainly respect what they do and hope they continue to get all the bad guys out there.

10. Nothing more to say than this crazy video

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/10-reasons-why-cops-is-the-best-reality-show-of-all-time/feed/ Yoda Drunk Hilarious Video http://www.cheddarben.com/yoda-drunk-hilarious-video/ http://www.cheddarben.com/yoda-drunk-hilarious-video/#comments Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:07:14 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=42 This is a quick post of my favorite Star Wars video I have seen this year. Hilarious:


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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/yoda-drunk-hilarious-video/feed/ 7 Dirty Smurfs that Never Made the Show http://www.cheddarben.com/5-dirty-smurfs-that-never-made-the-show/ http://www.cheddarben.com/5-dirty-smurfs-that-never-made-the-show/#comments Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:56:45 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=41 The SmurfsImage from Wikipedia

I grew up watching the Smurfs, but I was always fairly sure that there were other smurfs that they did not let on the show. The following is my list of smurfs that did not make the cut.

Crack Head Smurf

This unfortunate Smurf hit some hard times after his wife and kids left him. Not long after, he resorted to drugs. Now, you can often find him around the seedier mushrooms offering to give smurfjobs for money.

Bondage Smurf

Oh, this naughty smurf has been very bad. Behind closed doors, he is Smurfette’s bitch. Some days he is a human smurftray, while others he is begging to get kicked in his little blue smurfy balls.

Chronic Masturbator Smurf

This smurf has had some serious problems and must register as a smurf offender. You see, this naughty smurf has a tenancy to pull his smurf out and start smurfing off whenever he sees fit.

Diarrhea Smurf

Funny, you never see smurfs shit, but they must. Poor Diareah Smurf has a huge problem and since they can only wear those little white bottoms, he has smurf shit running all over the place. When Papa Smurf heard that they were doing a show, they banished this stinky fucker.

Smurf Jeremy

This smurf is an adult smurf star that has a pecker 12 cm long. Nicknamed the SmurfHog and has been in thousands of porn movies. Unfortunately for him, since Smurfette is the only adult girl smurf, Smurf Jeremy is in gay smurf porn.

Angry Drunk Smurf

He grew up dreaming of being a member of the Lollipop Guild, but became an angry alcoholic after they kicked him out. Due to the blatant smurfism, Angry Drunk Smurf resorted to drinking Smurf Daniels and getting into fights with whoever is around.

VD Smurf

Co-starring in the adult gay smurf movie, Pound my Smurf, Smurf Jeremy he caught a bad case of VD and had to change his name from Ted. VD is no longer blue, but has different shades of red and puss colored. ewwww.

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/5-dirty-smurfs-that-never-made-the-show/feed/ Dumbest Hobby Ever http://www.cheddarben.com/dumbest-hobby-ever/ http://www.cheddarben.com/dumbest-hobby-ever/#comments Mon, 07 Apr 2008 02:09:56 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=40 The elements of a tampon with applicator. Left: the bigger tube (Image from Wikipedia

I have heard of some weird hobbies before, but today I found the mother of wierd hobbies. Tampon crafts. Yes, tampon crafts. Over at Tamponcrafts.com, they teach you how to make items out of Tampons.

You may think that this is an odd pastime and I completely agree. How can you go wrong with craft projects like the Bloody Tampon Heart Earrings, Tampon Toupee, and a Tampon Blowgun? Are douche bag crafts next? They are all winner craft projects…. in Bizarro world!

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/dumbest-hobby-ever/feed/ The Rick Roll Sucks! Here are some alternatives that are just as crappy! http://www.cheddarben.com/the-rick-roll-sucks-here-are-some-alternatives-that-are-just-as-crappy/ http://www.cheddarben.com/the-rick-roll-sucks-here-are-some-alternatives-that-are-just-as-crappy/#comments Fri, 04 Apr 2008 02:02:44 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=33 April fools is over and it seems like the most popular gag in the internet world is the Rick Roll. The recent popularity of Rick Astley and the Rick Roll kind of disgusts me. He was popular in the 80’s (actually only one year in the 80’s) and I think it would be best to leave him in the 80’s. I continue to see different RickRoll propaganda on various blogs, YouTube videos, and on some social networks. Really, it makes me throw up a little. Here are some Rolls that I would like to suggest as slightly better alternatives to the RickRoll.

Paul Roll

To get Paul Rolled would include taking your unsuspecting target to an adult movie and punching your munchkin in front of them. You just Paul Rueben Rolled them and you could be all “Ohhhhh snap! You just got Paul Rueben Rolled!”

Pee Wee Herman - from Wikipedia

For those who are unfamiliar with the name Paul Rueben, it is Pee-Wee Herman. Children adored him and he had a Saturday morning television show that was very popular until a 1991 incident where he was arrested for masturbating in an adult theater. This may be slightly better than the seriously rediculous Rick Roll.

Gary Roll

The Gary Roll would be to cast your unsuspecting target in a popular sitcom series with a catch phrase like “What you talking about Wills?” Then, cancel the series and give your target hope that they can continue their career. Once they have found a job as a security guard or other normal job, confront them and say, “You got GaryRolled. Ha!”

gary coleman - wikipedia

Gary Coleman stared in the 80’s sitcom Diff’rent Strokes and after the popular show he did not grow in popularity or height. I would say that Gary Coleman had more fans that Rick Astley in the 80’s and this would be marginally cooler than the uber gay Rick Roll.

Nancy Roll

After the Nancy Kerrigan Olympic skating incident of the early 90’s where Nancy was struck in the ankle by a cronie of her competitor, this one is pretty straight forward. First, enter your target in any kind of physical competition. Second, club them in the ankle. Finally, yell out loud, “You got Nancy Rolled bitch.” Rick Astley would be so lucky as to get Nancy Rolled.

Nancy Kerrigan - From Wikipedia

Donkey Punch Roll

Just Donkey punch them. No explanation necessary, but more enjoyable.

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/the-rick-roll-sucks-here-are-some-alternatives-that-are-just-as-crappy/feed/ Top 50 ‘Top 10′ Humor Lists of All Time http://www.cheddarben.com/top-50-top-10-humor-lists/ http://www.cheddarben.com/top-50-top-10-humor-lists/#comments Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:28:25 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/?p=39  

50. Top 10 Rick Roll Sites of All Time

49. Top 10 Drinking Quotes of all time

48. Top 10 Midgets… er Little People of All time

47. Top 10 April Fool’s Day Joke Web Sites

46. Top 10 Deadbeat Celebrity Relatives

45. Mello Yellow to Go-Bots: The Top 10 Poor Mans Version

44. Cracked Presents Top 10 Craptions and Comments of ‘07

43. Top 10 Dramatic Chipmunk Video Moments

42. Top 10 Awesomely Bad Movies from the 80’s

41. Top 10 Most Evil Computers of All Time

40. Top 10 Best and Worst Phobias to Have

39. Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

38. Top 10 Gifts for People you Hate

37. Top 10 Techie Toilets

36. Top 10 Craziest Star Wars Tattoos

35. Top 10 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes

34. Top 10 Worst Sci-Fi Shows Ever! (With Videos)

33. Top Ten Most Useless Items of Crapola

32. Top Ten Products Only A Douchebag Would buy

31. Top Ten Silliest Film Badasses of All Time

30. Top Ten Top Ten Lists

29. Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of all time

28. Top 10 ‘80s Robots (We Expected to exist by now)

27. Top 10 Lamest Superheroes of All Time

26. Top 10 Star Wars T-Shirts

25. Top 10 Rubber Band Guns

24. Top 10 Geek Wallets

23. Top 10 Worst Game Title Screens Ever

22. Top 10 Beards

21. Top 10 Drunk Multiplayer Games

20. Top 10 Most Hilarious Viruses, Trojans and Worms

19. Top 10 Weirdest and Funniest Japanese Condoms

18. An Experiment in Nudity: Top 10 Female Names on Google

17. Top 10 Useless Limbs (and Other Vestigial Organs)

16. Top 10 Movies That Really Didn’t Need Video Games

15. Top 10 Rejection Lines Used by Men and Women (And What They Actually Mean)

14. Top 10 Craziest Places to Have Sex

13. Top 10 Halo Pick-Up Lines

12. Top F-Bombs Dropped on Live Television

11. Top 10 Celebrity Butterfaces

10. Top 10 Dumbest Online Business Ideas That Made it Big Time

9. Top 10 Geek Watches

8. Top 10 Strangest Lego Creations

7. Top 10 Funniest Gadgets

6. Top 10 Things Female Gamers Hear on Xbox Live

5. Top 10 Coolest Doormats

4. Blue Screen of Death Top 10 Images

3. Top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

2. Top 10 Best Geek Quotes

1. Top 10 Ways to Destroy Earth

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]]> http://www.cheddarben.com/top-50-top-10-humor-lists/feed/ 50 Sure-Fire Ways to Lose Your Job http://www.cheddarben.com/50-sure-fire-ways-to-lose-your-job/ http://www.cheddarben.com/50-sure-fire-ways-to-lose-your-job/#comments Sun, 30 Mar 2008 23:26:55 +0000 cheddarben http://www.cheddarben.com/50-sure-fire-ways-to-lose-your-job/ 1. Not Go
2. When addressing males, start each sentence with, “Listen here jerky…”
3. When addressing females, start each sentence with, “Listen here sweet tits… ”
4. Drop a deuce in the middle of your office
5. Bring your porn magazine collection to read on break
6. During lunch hour, stand outside your office and beg for money.
7. Put a sign up list up looking for those interested in a lunch hour circle jerk
8. Continually grab someone’s boob and make a horn noise
9. Until caught, squirt ketchup into the printer
10. Bring flour in a bag to work and snort it like cocaine.
11. Order an exotic dancer for someone’s birthday at your work and ask for a cover charge
12. Send a memo to everyone requiring that they should now address you as the Grand Poobah Nipple Bomb
13. During client meeting, ask client to pull your finger
14. Follow your boss around all day and copy everything he does
15. When in the rest room, lean over and peek at your neighbor… then snicker.
16. Bring marijuana laced brownies for treat day
17. Have Jenna Jameson as your screen saver
18. Try to sell AmWay at work (only works if you are not at the Amway corporate office)
19. Pee in the coffee maker
20. Bring cardboard to work and break-dance for money during your breaks
21. Spike the water cooler
22. Stain the back of your pants like you shart and keep on wearing them
23. Throw a training seminar and invite the Jahovah’s Witnesses as your keynote speaker
24. Turn your out of office email on and have it say something like “I am in the office, but I really don’t want to talk to you. Please try again later and if I feel like it, I may respond.”
25. If you have a gift exchange for a holiday, buy your person a dildo. The big kind.
26. Shave your balls while at work.
27. Bring your dingleberry collection to work to show off.
28. When you want something, first ask and follow up with, “now, fuckface”
29. Wear a cape and leotards to work and ask everyone to call you Captain BigDick
30. Write a love note to your boss telling them that you would like them to be your bondage partner.
31. Come to work in Speedos and only get dressed once you are in your office.
32. Stuff your pants so much that it is painfully obvious.
33. Try and convince accounting that they should be in your new street gang and that you are going to take this city by storm.
34. Ask boss if you can date his/her son/daughter and ask if they have VD. Works particularly well if the son/daughter is the same sex as you.
35. Bring a personal portapotti (or bucket) to work and say it is to increase productivity by not going to the bathrooms as often
36. Tell the secretary that you started your own business and that you would appreciate it if she would answer the phone as “X business or Paul’s (or whoever’s) exotic massage”
37. Request a raise of one million dollars and say it is for putting up with an asshole like him.
38. Bring your cat and kitty litter to work. Set up the cat box right next to your desk.
39. Without approval, interview people for your job and tell your boss that you are sub-contracting your job out.
40. Reserve a conference room and order a hooker for that room.
41. Invite homeless people into your office for tours
42. Photoshop a superiors head into gay porn and send it to the whole company with the subject “lol :)”
43. During meetings, put a ‘do not disturb’ sign around your neck, put your earphones on and sing with the music.
44. Make an announcement to the company that Friday is now officially Freeball Friday.
45. Take a vacation and forget to tell anyone. When you get back, tell them how great Hedonism was.
46. Hold an internal seminar on the pitfalls of affirmative action.
47. Whenever a gal walks past your desk say, “Its boner time.”
48. Bring a grill into work and use it in your office or cubicle.
49. Wear a shirt saying “Fat Girls Rule”
50. Hang up an inspirational poster in your office that says: “Work: I don’t do it bitch!”

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